Showing posts with label Presentations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Presentations. Show all posts

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Best Job In the World


Remember way back in the beginning of 2009 there was a slight buzz over this job that paid $100k for 6-months of enjoying the Great Barrier Reef, trying out free spa services, and basically sitting on your ass all day? Oh, and feeding the fish was one of the grueling responsibilities, too. Apparently Australia's tourism industry was suffering and they came up with the idea of paying someone a ridiculous amount of money to be pampered, enjoy the high life, and keep up a blog that would ideally increase interest in visiting that continent that we love to call a country, and vice versa.

Naturally, I jumped on the opportunity.


I had just spent three months in Australia as part of Stanford's overseas study programs. It was one of the best experiences of my life--all 22 years and 4 months of it. Along with 47 of my peers, I traveled all up and down the Australian East Coast, from Stradbroke Island to Brisbane to Cairns back down to Heron Island on the Great Barrier Reef and then to Sidney. Hands down, our time on Heron Island was the most memorable. Sure, we still had class regularly (every morning at 8 am to be exact), but our days still consisted of independent morning snorkels, mid-day volleyball with the professors, evening tanning sessions on the beach, and the occasional night snorkel (those were fun, if not a bit eerie).


We spent a total of two weeks at Heron and I imagined that my experience with The Best Job in the World (aka: Island Reef Job) would be quite similar, plus 5.5 months and minus 47 peers and 5 professors. To apply, all you had to do was submit a 60 second video (not a second more) telling why you are the man (or woman, in my case it was the former, so please: no misogyny accusations) for the job. Piece of cake, right? Wrong. In my defense, I have no video editing experience and did all of this in one night, and I think I did pretty well, considering. But some of the people who applied must work for Pixar, I swear.

My mother told me about the job, coincidentally, right after I had stumbled upon it myself. It had been posted on Yahoo!, so I knew there would be a lot of contenders. I would have started on it earlier, but that time-sucking leech of a burden you may know as college was well under way. In fact, I think the deadline was right around mid-terms. So, as things like this usually do, the time kept ticking by and ticking by and soon I was in danger of missing the deadline. So I dedicated a weekend, locked myself in one of the classroom buildings with my computer, a rented camera, and some (limited) food. The plan was to come up with a powerpoint on myself and do a presentation (on myself) in a comical, in-your-face sort of way, and film it. I had done something like this before in Australia (Blubber Love Academy) with good enough result. The presentation, as you'll see in the video, I was pretty proud of but wish I had used an HD-camera so that all the little details would shine through. In the end, my hope was that whoever was viewing these videos would first be intrigued by my charisma and overall presentation and then on subsequent views be able to unravel more from the video, like a colorful ball of yarn with a present in the middle.

I shot it myself using a tripod and basically went through the whole presentation multiple times from multiple angles. The editing was the hardest part by far. They were pretty serious about the 60 second limit and I remember getting it down to 80 seconds and not knowing how I would compress anymore. It's interesting because the fast-paced on-crack nature of the final result is because I went over it many times deleting almost all the spaces in between. So there really is no time of me doing nothing. I forget exactly how I got down to 60 seconds, but I kept chipping away over and over until it meet the criteria.

I finished the video about 12 hours before the upload deadline. Then guess what happened? It wouldn't upload. The servers were being flooded. The worst part was that I'd have to wait about 20 minutes of it acting like it was uploading just to see the error screen at the end. During this time, I read FAQ posts on the site that said, despite the technical difficulties, videos that did not make it up by the deadline would not be considered, no exceptions. It was a bad 12 hours. I was already sleep-deprived and fell asleep a few times beside the computer. For about 6 or so hours it wouldn't upload and I was really beginning to think that, after all of that, I just wouldn't be able to do it. Finally, it randomly went through.

But my worries weren't over.

The FAQ also made it clear that the time limit was to be strictly enforced. Any videos that were over 60.00 seconds were disqualified. The scary part about this was that the site recognized that some video programs would record a second or more difference from what they were using in a video's length but, for fairness, they had to measure everyone's under the same standards. In other words, I could have a program that said my video is 59 seconds, but if the program the judges are using says it's actually 61 seconds, it's disqualified. So, even after mine uploaded, I was fearful of the dreaded rejection email.

In the end, I received an email saying that my upload had gone through successfully. I could tell you in detail what happened after that, but this post is about the creative process and obviously I'm not chilling somewhere in Australia right now, so you can guess the outcome. Long story short, my video wasn't short-listed as part of the 50 that viewers would vote on. Nevertheless, here is the video for your viewing pleasure...and hopefully I never run for office.


-Justin C. Key

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Blubber Love Academy

When in Australia, we had the task of doing 'species cards' where we would put down information for five different species, of our choosing, and one of which we would do a 3-5 minute presentation on. And we could be creative. Well, I chose the polar bear and cooked up this lil performance same day. I had a powerpoint/slideshow, the pictures from which will be dispersed accordingly throughout the piece. I also had planted questions throughout the audience. The words I performed fast-paced because I wanted to stay within the timeframe, but it made for a spoken-word type thing. The crowd response (47 of my peers + about 10 faculty) was AMAZING. It made me start thinking about getting into entertainment/writing for entertainment. There's a video somewhere, I know, I just wonder if I'll ever see it....

(PS: Imagine Question #2 in a Middle Eastern accent....it was the guy's doing, not mine. But hilarious nonetheless).
(PPS: The picture at the end was one of our professors, Ove).
(PPPS: Best if you read the words fast in your head and apply Drill Sergeant voice).


Welcome to the Blubber-Love Academy, also known as the Navy Seals Academy. You are the newest recruits, the cream of the crop, the future of the seal race. And I...I am going to be your teacher, your instructor, your friend, your enemy, your lover and your mom until you are ready to go out in to the world.

But first...there is a monster out there, pups and puppettes. A ruthless one. A killer like the world has never seen before. And it likes blubber. It likes seals. It likes you.


Do not be fooled by this cuddly little fur ball. It is not a teddy bear. It does not follow santa around in his sleigh and drink bottle Co-Co Cola, ladies and gentleman, this is a vessle of war, a machine of teeth that will not hesitate to rip you from flipper to flipper.


Evolution has bit us all in the fin cus these monsters live where we live and move when we move. They only live on the perimeter of this ice pack we call home, cus we live here. And when the weather changes and we are forced to move they are right behind us. And they are the largest predator that lives on the land. And the male can be twice the size of a female. Scared? You should be. Nature has blessed us with the mother of them all.

The fact is that there is a 99.999...999...nineninenine % chance that you will die of polar bear attack. My job is to equip you with the knowledge to help you survive. (point to paws). See these here paws? Short and stocky, great for gripping heavy ice and prey, like you. They have 42 teeth –one-two-three-four, skip a few, 42 and each and every one wants to kill you. These creatures are the love child of Satan and Voldemort and can use their magic evil hocusy pocusy to smell you up to one mile away, even if you are snug in your ice home (that just happens to be 3 feet deep).

And why don’t we just go underwater to hide, you ask?

Because of this.


They can swim! It can swim at about 6 miles per hour and cannot move much faster because it overheats easily. That may not sound like much but it is when you are dead.

Question #1: Don’t they hibernate, tho? Like Winnie the Poooooh?

NO! Nature has budgie-smuggled us once again. Polar bears are active year-round. Some people say that they go on a diet for several months when the ice is lower but don’t let that calm you. In the winter they will just be hungry and waiting and you will look like a ham hock to a starved dog, tanned from the summer sun.

Now, the polar bear's most common hunting method is called still-hunting which I just called fucked up. I had a student named Buttbreath once that didn’t listen during this lecture and the next day he went swimming, right close to here and came out for some air. The polar bear with its ungodly sense of smell, crouching near the surface, waiting like a problem child fetus waiting for birth, got a whiff of his breath and snatched the little pup. Buttbreath, always the joker, you have to be funny if your breath smells like ass, tried to worm his way out. He put on his best Little Red Riding Hood voice and said “My, how great big teeth-“ That’s as far as he got. The beast bit ButtBreath’s head straight through, crunching it like dead leaves under Rosie Odonnell’s feet.

(gasps)

They also will stalk you. And, listen carefully: You will not see it. It will kill you. It will be on you before you know it, before you can breath, before you can think. How do you think I lost my eye? You’d think they wouldn’t be able to sneak up on a seasoned Navy Seal like meself, and you’re right to think that, but they have the power of invisibility!

(raises hand)

Yes, you there.

Question #2: My father told me that the reason you can’t see them is because they’re so stealthy and their transparent fur causes them to look white and to blend into the ice, so they appear invisible. But they’re not really invisible.

You can believe whatever fantasy mumbo jumbo you want but while you are here under my care, they’re invisible! You go by that and you can’t go wrong. And for all you studs out there looking to mate, the polar bears have been known to seek out AND raid female nests. But that’s their problem

Now, there have been some budget cuts from our main funder, March of the Penguins – they’re sympathetic with our cause – but I was able to get footage of a polar bear eating its prey. Beware, it is graphic.

Question #3: Do polar bears live at the South Pole, too?

Answer: No, they don’t

Same Questioner: Then why don’t we all just move there?

Ok, how about a question from someone who is using more than two brain cells. Yes, you there.

Question #4: So what do we do? What do we doooo?

I’m glad you asked that! Humans! I’ve been hearing from a very reliable source that Voldemort and Sauron’s army have been battling with Gandalf and Dumbledore and all their magical wastes are heating up the earth!!! As the ice melts the polar bears will have no where to live.

(raise hand)

Question #5: Won’t that be bad for us too?

I’m a fighter, not a fortune teller! Now where was I? Ah…yes! Soon the humans will come to the North Pole to try to fix their mess. My plan is for us to stay hidden as long as we can and then the polar bears will get hungry and hunt the humans.


And then seals will inherit the earth.

Any other questions? No. Good.