Sydney the Giant wasn’t the most popular kid in Mrs. Stark’s kindergarten class. In fact, he was desperately lonely. He was the #1 student, so he got teased for that. He was the only kid without a Pinky and the Brain bookbag (he had a Gargoyles bookbag instead) so he got teased for that. And, of course, he got teased for being a Giant.
One day Sydney tripped in the snow on the way to school and rolled down a great big hill and spent all day trying to free himself of the snowball he’d created. It was more than enough time for all his classmates to come and see. They laughed until their ribs hurt. For Sydney, this was enough. It was time to change. He needed to do something to make himself cool.
That night, Sydney watched 12 hours of the best stand-up comedy he could find, without taking a break. It was a marathon! By the morning, though, he knew what he had to do. He knew how to make people think he was cool.
The next day when Mrs. Stark called on him to answer a math question, Sydney got ready. This was it. It was his time to shine.
So he did it. He dropped the F-bomb. In front of everyone.
The reaction wasn’t what he’d expected.
Not only was Sydney the #1 kid in the school, he was the first kid to ever drop the F-bomb in class. Many of his classmates covered their ears and started crying. One classmate spit out the water he was drinking. Another tried to run out of the room in terror, tripped over the teacher’s desk, skinned his knee, and got blood all over the tests she was going to pass out at the end of class. Even the flower Mrs. Stark wears behind her ear was offended: it immediately wilted and died.
Mrs. Stark, to say the least, was disappointed with her star student, but she could sympathize with him. She needed a way to show him that grade-school popularity wouldn’t matter much when he got older, and that people who go around dropping the F-bomb don’t get very far in life. To prevent him from ever saying the bad word again, Mrs. Stark made Sydney watch hours and hours of compiled Sarah Palin speeches, titled “Palin’s Vision for the US of A.”