Investigation...

I read this this morning in the New York Times. It really has us shaken up. It's only a 1/1000 chance that she'll be picked I copied and pasted:

As Families Re-Unite, Congress Calls For Interrogation Lottery

WASHINGTON — The Senate voted 71 to 28 Wednesday morning to initiate a lottery to randomly choose 100,000 Americans from the 150 million that disappeared last Friday for questioning and further research. The decision was made just under an hour ago, but there is already huge uproar from across the country.


Families woke up Monday morning to the return of their loved ones, a nation-wide phenomenon that is in many ways more baffling than the original disappearances. After shock came a relief that swept over the country as more and more reports came in, suggesting that all of the missing have returned.


Officials immediately attempted to get a hold of the situation, which left half of the country's population MIA for 72 hours, by requesting of anyone who remembers anything to come forth. The result has been more than disappointing, prompting Congress to consider a more involved approach.  The newly approved initiative will generate a lottery to choose 100,000 individuals to be called in for questioning and to possibly be kept for research. It is unknown when the lottery or subsequent activities will take place.


"America is healing right now," President Obama said in an official statement. "And we want families to have the time to heal, reconnect with their loved ones, and grieve over those who were lost. But eventually we need to assess the situation, discover the cause, and move towards ensuring that nothing of this magnitude ever happens again."


As part of the bill, Congress also pushed for heavy emphasis on Stanford University, where 90% of the student population went missing. It's reported that all 13,500 are set to be automatically included in research procedures. 

-Tom Friedman

She's back!!!

Everyone's back!! It's a little scary, but most of all I'm just so damn excited. I can't keep my hands from shaking. But she's back, sleeping in the bed right behind me.

How did it happen? Hell if I know. But I couldn't sleep last night either at first. I must have been drifting off around sun-rise because I felt like I was falling. And then I started to hear whispers, you know, the kind you hear when you're sleep-deprived but too tired to really sleep? I shook myself out of it and went to the bathroom. When I came back I almost pissed my pants even though I had just gone.

She was there.

Sleep in the bed.

I don't know why. Maybe I thought I was dreaming (it had all just been a dream), or maybe I thought that if I woke her she wouldn't be real, but I slipped into bed, wrapped my arms around her, and went to sleep. She was still there when I woke up.

The amazing thing is that she doesn't remember anything. She thought it was Friday morning. It was like 50 First Dates, kind of, where Drew Barrymore woke up every day not remembering anything that happened the day before. Soon the whole family--both families--were there and it was a little overwhelming for her, especially since she thought I was joking at first. I think her father's tears really got her into believing it all.

That and the news. The people who were missing are popping up in full force...and no one remembers ANYTHING. As you probably know, the day since has been pretty hectic. I saw on the news about how that unidentified flight was almost shot down but then they realized it was the whole flight that had disappeared. After it landed, the passengers were scared as shit...and didn't remember anything. Some (the ones who weren't sleeping) said they noticed a slight difference in the atmosphere but nothing else.

There are a lot of bizarre stories out there, more and more showing up on the news. I don't understand how no one remembers anything. I'm glad to have Kim back, but what could have caused something so...so big? Internet buzz has theories, a lot of people thinking its an inside job, like 9/11. Some think its some type of time travel.

I'm just worried about what might have happened to her during those three days. What if she gets cancer from this? Or gets sick? We tried to take her to the hospital, but it seemed like everyone else in America (or at least in the Bay Area) had the same idea. She said she's fine, just tired.

I don't know what's going to come out of all this, but I'm just glad to have her back.

-Tom Friedman

Stanford hit hard by the disappearances.

I didn't sleep any last night. Would you be able to? I tried, Lord knows I did, mostly because my mother made me promise I would try. I almost didn't because a part of me (a strong, vocal part) expected to see some relief behind those worried eyes of hers, relief that now I would be able to find someone 'suitable for me.' But all I saw was the tired soul of a mother. 

But I just lay there, in my bed, beside an empty slot that I had gotten used to being filled. I guess I stayed awake because every minute I could hope that this whole shit could pass, Kim would come home, and everything would be normal. To go to sleep would mean 8 hours going by like nothing....8 more hours that would just make all this too real.

But mostly I couldn't sleep because of what was on that note.

Kim's mom and dad offered to deal with all the cancellations. My guess is that they're calling them up now. Even though all hope for a ceremony died two mornings ago, they said they wouldn't cancel until it looked like they absolutely had to. Considering that we were supposed to get the show going  in just a couple hours, now would be a point of absolutely having to. Maybe the caterer and DJ Almond disappeared, too. Save them some trouble. Maybe they're all together, Kim and them with the Reverend, wherever they are, and I'm the one missing.

I thought about that. Maybe we're the ones who disappeared and went some place else. But it was hard for me to wrap my head around.

I heard something on the tv this morning as I was pretending to try and sleep. There's still no real progress. Some people have been found, but it's turning out that they were just regular missing people. Those who just so happened to pick November 27 as the day to run away from home or leave their husbands or wives. But that wasn't the interesting part.

It seems that Stanford University's been hit hard. 90% of their population disappeared, whereas everywhere else is pretty much even. The news hasn't down-right said it, but I wouldn't be surprised if the place is the main suspect now. Maybe some kind of experiment. It's just all so surreal now, it's hard to feel any anger, shock, or anything....I just hope they figure it out.

Uncle Junior, who's been in the hospital for the last six months for stomach cancer--disappeared. Mom told me yesterday. Janet Lyrington--she works at the grocery--her husband disappeared. Both our next-door neighbors--Lynn and John Dryden--disappeared. Beth Matthers--Kim's cousin on her dad's side--is gone, too, plus her three year old daughter. The streets feel so empty. Like a great ghost has fallen over the town.

Nicolas Cage, Tom Cruise, Cher, half of U2, Oprah, Michael J. Fox, Beyonce, Angelina Jolie, that dude from Spider-man, the guy from Transformers (I could never get his name), all gone. And the list goes on and on. I read that Stephen King is gone, too. I never could get in to his books--too long for me--but Kim loved him. That's why I remember. Maybe he can write something for her wherever they are.

I tried working on my vows around 2 am, but couldn't. I've eaten breakfast, but only a little. Around now is when I should be getting ready to walk down the isle, but instead I'm just looking at this note.

Biker in the road.

Today has been the worst day of my life. I thought yesterday was bad, but yesterday was coated in a fine layer of hope. Hope that kept the tears away.

The President spoke last night. I didn't vote for Obama. I didn't vote for anyone, actually. I was a republican, but didn't support Bush. McCain didn't represent the changes I wanted to see. I'm not ready to go democrat, so I just abstained from voting. But I support Obama, if that makes any sense. So, I took time to watch it. The whole family did. This thing has kind of brought us together, in a weird, mortifying way. I thought after Thanksgiving dinner, the wedding would be off for sure and the only way Kim and I could get married would be to elope in some country that has at least a thousand miles of ocean between this one. Funny how I was right about one part. Funny how the family could put that occurrence behind them, but I still won't be walking down the aisle.

His speech was good. His speech was comforting. His speech was everything you'd expect from a President, and that's why it didn't mean much to me. He did the best that he could, but it was obvious that our government is baffled. It's obvious that no one knows what the hell is going on. It's obvious that instead of a wedding I may be holding a funeral really soon. The whole world might. He did say that they were working around the clock to find the cause and, more importantly, find the people missing. WIth the Machens and the Friedmans crowded around one TV, we were all feeling a little shaken up after what happened at the police station. Freddy, who'd be uncharacteristically tranquil during all this, blurted out that it must be aliens doing this. A mass abduction. "Some trippy alien shit," he said. The funny thing was that no one said anything. Not in agreement or to suggest that the idea was ridiculous.

I started to think that maybe Freddy wasn't far off. Not aliens, but something not of this world. My mind went to the rapture and I could feel other people thinking the same. But that doesn't make much sense. Isn't that the whole world? Why would it just be the United States? Maybe it still is biblical and just different than our expectations/interpretations. I remember seeing on the discovery channel that Noah's flood was really just an isolated event. A grand flood alright, but not the whole world like we have been taught. Same with the ark and its size. A story that's evolved over the years. This could be like that. Something we've just been reading in to all wrong?

But where would that leave us?

We were glued to the television today all day today as well. Not much in official updates. It's like when 9/11 happened, or Michael Jackson died. A looot of speculation, a lot of aerial shots, and a lot of saying the same thing in different ways. At about 6, after a national moment of silence for both those missing and killed on Black Morning, mom and Mrs. Machen offered to cook. They had a little moment that was awkward, given what happened the other night, but I didn't stay to see how it played out. I slipped out the front and just told everyone I needed some time to myself. They let me go. I guess they know this is hard for me. It's a sympathy I don't know if I want. But I was grateful for the alone time.

I smoked for the first time in 2 years. I had stopped for Kim. She hated he habit, mostly because two of her uncles had died of lung cancer and her own father started smoking when he was seven. I promised her I never would, but part of that promise was that I'd get to keep a pack. I figured that I'd know I'd really kicked the habit when I could resist something that was within my reach. In some ways, I thought flushing them would be the easy way out. Knowing that they were under the gray socks in the 3rd drawer that I never wear and still being able to say no--that's an accomplishment to me.

I've had them in my pocket ever since after Obama's speech last night.

I was about to pop in my second cigarette when I saw him. He was coming over the hill, walking his bike. He looked exactly the same as when I stopped for him on the side of the road that day, except he was moving around, not without a limp tho.

At first I wasn't going to say anything to him. Why would I? Besides, it might not have even been him. But I knew it was. And, somehow, I knew he was there to see me. I knew before he even started to head my way.

We just stood there for a little while, me holding an unlit cigarette and him precariously balancing his bike and a bum leg. I thought we would just stand there for hours, but then he spoke. His voice sounded different then before. I don't remember how it sounded that day, but it wasn't this.

"I was one of those who disappeared," he said. At first I didn't think I heard right, and everything still felt too fuzzy, unreal, and dreamlike for me to reply. Then he thrust an envelope into my hand. He told me that she wanted me to have it.

By the time I looked up, he was already leaving. i thought of running after him, but for some reason I didn't. This was a couple hours ago. I haven't looked at the envelope yet. It's sitting right here, beside the computer. I might open it now, but I might not. I don't really know why.

Yes, I should open it. I may be a worrier, but it doesn't mean I have to be a dormant one.

Nothing still...

The wedding is tomorrow and I'm checking the news every minute like it's a dish on the verge of burning in the oven. The updates are slim. I guess I just hope that everything returns to normal. I wouldn't even ask any questions, as long as my baby would walk through the door in good health and ready to marry me.

It's starting to look like even if she did come back this minute, the wedding won't happen tomorrow. Not in all this chaos. Not to mention, Reverend Jackson is one of the ones gone missing. Or maybe he just left the country, which doesn't sound like a bad idea right about now.

Speechless...

The country's threat level is up to red for the first time in 8 years and all I can think about is damn sweet potatoes. It's the last thing I said to her: "Don't forget to put up the sweet potatoes, honey." What if this shit is permanent? What if she really is...gone? And instead of I love you or something special, my last words to her will be the equivalent of what you might say to a maid. I'll be glad if I never see another sweet potato again.

But...I worry, right? By the time I woke up most of the nation was already in panic. It was all over the news and I...I hadn't even noticed she was gone until I rolled over to comment about how bizarre it all was. I thought at first she had gone to the bathroom, although I knew then...I knew something was wrong. As it became clear she wasn't in the house, I hoped it could just be a coincidence. She went out early for a walk, or some pre-wedding jitters where she needed to be alone and just hadn't seen the news. If she had, she would have come back quickly, I'm sure of it, so she must just not know. And yet the hours ticked by.

I don't know what to do. My family--our families--don't know what to do. The news is calling it terrorism. For the first time in all my life, my mom is speechless. Bless her soul for that. No one else from my side or hers seem to be missing and we're all about to go down to the police station to file a report. Calling doesn't work.

If anyone has seen Kimberly Rae Machen, please contact us. And to all those who are looking for their loved ones this morning....let's keep

And if you don't know what I'm talking about, look at the pictures below. It's all over the news now, but this particular article I found earlier isn't up anymore. I think it's because they don't want people to know about the Vice President, because that info is left out of subsequent reports. Either way, I still have the page loaded, so I took pics (click to see them better).

Thanksgiving payback.

Naive, huh? If I'm so naive, how did I find this blog?

Yes, that's right. Kim, here. Excuse my future husband (if I decide to let him live). This Internet thing is a little new to him (even though he's been using it for years) and he didn't realize that a simple search of his name would bring up this blog. I google search my name sometimes (who doesn't) and had a hunch to search his last night before bed. You should have seen his face.

And I didn't know your mom calls me 'The Muslim' Tom! It's kind of funny, when you think about it. He'll probably call me naive again for saying this, but I think Tom's mom is really sweet way down inside....it's just going to take a while to get to it. He's sitting here as I write this (although we agreed no censoring) and he's rolling his eyes, but I have faith.

And a couple things.

• New Moon was the shit and a half. Men just don't understand.
• Tom does worry too much.
• Last night wasn't as bad as you'd think. My parents are like me. In the end, the wedding will only be bigger and better.
• Ok, so maybe I should have thought a little better about the family staying thing. But Thanksgiving dinner (which I have to return to in a bit, turkey's been in long enough, I think) is a good cover for everyone being here. 
• My dress is fabulous.
  

Now some things about Tom. Call it a little Thanksgiving payback. If anything, it'll be useful info for anyone continuing to read this blog about him.

• I came home late from work once--10 minutes late--and Tom has already called my friend, Pam, in a panic.
• He wears to pairs of socks...always, no matter the weather.
• He's groaning as I write this one, but he's read all of the Twilight series and the real reason he didn't like New Moon was because it didn't hold up to his 'standards.'
• Bet 10 bucks he cries at the wedding more than I do.
  

I think that's enough for now. Today's been hectic and even I am skeptical about this dinner which is only about 2 hours away, but this was fun. You should let me on more often, babe!

-Kim 'Soon to be Friedman' Machen

PS: Isn't that turkey at the top the cutest thing?

You know it's bad when you envy orphans...

Quick Updates: 

• John found a DJ. DJ Almond, I think his name is. His last four gigs have all been 18 and up parties, he's more expensive than I'd like, and I may have to pay him extra not to let that name of his known, but who cares??! By the time he starts spinning, I'll be happily married. 
• Kim's parents (she's from a small town in South Carolina...Charlottesville, it's called) got in last night, along with Freddy, and jumped right into the wedding planning. Thankfully, the Machen's are less die-hard judgmentals than my parents (read: my mom). They converted to the faith after the father came back from Vietnam and since follow the basic principles, but are open to letting Kim choose her own path. 
• Sunday's forecast is looking better and better. 
• The honeymoon plans are all set. Even though I'm fairly sure Kim doesn't read this blog, I want it to be a surprise, so not risking telling it here.
  
• My parents got in on time, just three hours ago. Up until then everything was going well. Up until then...

Let's backtrack a little. You know how I said Kim's parents are cool about stuff? Well, the plan was for them to stay with us in our apartment with everyone participating in Operation Keep Shit From the Friedman's. Once my family came to until after the wedding, we would have to all pretend that Kim and I don't live together...while having Kim's family stay in our apartment. Why can't they stay at Kim's? The place has been emptied out for weeks so we wouldn't have to worry about too much moving after the honeymoon. And what do we tell my people once they see 11 Machen's staying with me? Part lie, part truth: Kim's apartment is hollowed out and there's only enough there for Kim to stay comforably.

You can imagine my nerves.

Right after they got in, Kim and her mom went to look at the garden and the church to go over where everything would be (why they couldn't wait until daylight is beyond me), with Kim's dad trailing along to sign his checkbook if needed. Kim's parents have been taking care of Freddy ever since his mom's been in rehab, hence him coming early with them while everyone else arrives tonight/early tomorrow. Ten minutes after everyone else left, I went into the guestroom to ask Freddy if he wanted to watch a movie--you know, try to connect with the kid--and he was already stealing! A painting of one of those amazonian tree frogs on a leaf that had been hanging over the bed...he was stuff it into his suitcase! He froze when he saw me and uttered, "I didn't do it."

I had a heart-to-heart talk with him after that. The basics about decisions in life, the choices we make, respnsibility, and of course a promise that I'd kick his ass if I found him stealing again. I said it in a joking way and it got a laugh, but I felt a small part of him thought I was serious. Which I can live with. I can live with just fine.

Besides that, everything's been fine. But it was like a ticking time bomb that started when my parents' flight took off from LAX at 12:36 pm. I went to pick them up with Kim and her parents (her idea). I insisted that Freddy come to 'take part in the family festivities' but he said he wanted to get some rest. I just wish I would have put up cameras before we left. Or at least taken inventory. Kim can be naive sometimes, bless her soul, and one of the topics she's good at being naive at is my parents. My mother gave me a hug and started talking about all that we had to do for the wedding without even looking at Kim. My father is not much of a villain, but he doesn't do anything to help either. He just stands there and let's mom do her thing. It took me three tries at interrupting before I got mom to acknowledge Kim and introduce her to her parents. Think of one of those awkward moments in a movie...yea, like that.

Kim also thought it would be a good idea to invite mom and dad to wedding planning stuff with them. The Machen's had already gone back to the church and garden (going at night wasn't exactly the most productive, after all), stopped by the florists to look over the flowers, and taken Kim's dress for what her mother called some 'last-minute trimmings. But Joe's Fish N' Chips Catering (trust me, they're better than they sound) still needed a round and also the logistics for Saturday night's rehearsal needed to be fleshed out, so, after clearing it with her parents, Kim thought mom and dad would like to be a part of these errands.

It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. Mom took this gesture as one of belittlement and looked at Kim as if she were goose shit. Then she reclaimed her overbearing self and announced that she had already taken care of all the arrangements, from flowers, to DJ, to catering. 'For a nice Christian wedding' she said.

W.T.Fuck?

Long story short, mom sweared down that she wasn't aware other arrangements had been made and, of course, my father just picked at his fingernails on the side. Livid, I demanded that mom cancel everything she had done, but the Machen's, in the spirit of that oh-so-foreign trait called kindness, insisted that they could work out some balance. Mom agreed. Everyone thought the storm had been averted.

Naive, naive, naive.

But I was my hands of it. I pulled Kim to the side and tried to explain how this could not end up good, but she wanted to 'keep positive.' Yep, I wash my hands of it. I just got home. The Machen's and the Friedman's are off working it out. I'll send up a prayer for them, but mostly I'm about to take a much-needed nap.

...Right after I go hide all our valuables.

-Tom Friedman

I saw a homeless guy today....

I saw a homeless guy eating out of the traschcan today. It was the first time I've ever seen something so extreme. Of course, I knew things like that happen. You hear about it, see it portrayed in movies, but to actually see it, right in front of my eyes. It brought a new reality to things.

The man was your prototypical homeless guy. I really don't know how else to put it. His whole body, from his skin to his hair, his coat, shirt, pants, shoes, everything, was a dusty tan, like he'd been living in a a dirt storm for the last two years. His hair was long and as ragged as his gait. He mumbled to himself constantly. I was too far away to hear, but I'd be willing to bet I wouldn't have understood it anyway. I was sitting at Starbucks, working overtime on a project for work, when he crab-legged by. At first I only glanced but then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stop at the trashcan. And then reach in. By this time I was fixed, not really able to believe that this was happening in front of me. He felt around in there for a few seconds, pulled out a discarded coffee, wiped another piece of garbage from the lid, and drank the remains.

Then he crossed the street to the other trashcan, reached in, and took out a sandwich. Two things stuck out to me the most: 1) The lack of hesitation. This man had come to accept something as part of his everyday life that I could never imagine myself doing it. 2) Like a single blooming flower in the middle of a bloody battlefield, the most contrasting image walked past as homeless guy bit into his dinner: a lady with her baby. It made me think how one day he had been a baby in someone's arms as they walked down the street. I wondered what kind of paths have to open to bring a life to such a point. I thought if I could ever be in that position. It was hard to imagine because I knew my friends and family would never let me be without a place to stay. Then I wondered if he had any family or friends. He couldn't, could he? Who could be a true friend of someone they know gets his meals from trashcans?

I packed up my work then and left. Others at the cafe left, too, no doubt sooner than they were originally planning, but I don't think for the same reason. I left because I was disturbed and couldn't focus anymore. Others...they probably just wanted to get away from the smell.

Wedding things are coming together. My mom and dad fly in tomorrow at about 2 pm, Terry (my cousin), her husband and kids at about 4 the next day and then everyone else is driving, so they'll be trickling in, I suppose. The plan was to get everyone (both families) in on time to have a big Thanksgiving dinner, but Mom insisted on arriving earlier to help, even though I told her that Kim's parents were already on it, as per tradition. My mom is the overbearing type, the kind who thinks of her way the best. Oh, she won't blatantly shit on your method of doing things, just she likes to involve herself in any and everything because otherwise she thinks it won't be done right. That and she said she wasn't about to follow any 'muslim' traditions. I tried to tell her that I didn't think the bride's family taking care of the wedding was attached to any religion other than that of the United States of America but, of course, when my mom has her mind made up on something its like trying to convince a dog to piss without lifting its leg.

But we'll deal with that storm when we come to it. The days before the wedding are surprisingly....happy. I didn't expect that and I know most of hat I've been writing is complaints, but we, me and Kim, both have this glow about us. We're about to be married. The nervousness, the worry (whenever I think about that off-white dress...), the foreshadowing of family drama weighing down on us, all of that is overshadowed by how happy we are.

I'm excited about the future. I hope the wedding and everything goes off without a hitch, but I know life doesn't always work out like that. Either way, as long as Kim and I are together, I know, as the song goes....evry lil' thing....gon be all right!

PS: Checked the weather forecast again today. More and more it's looking like Sunday will be clear skies. Rain on Saturday and Monday, but some serious hope for a sunny wedding. Maybe they'll even be a rainbow?

-Tom Friedman

Thou shalt not....

Kim loved New Moon. I hated it. Thought it was slow, borderline boring and waaaaayyyy too cheesy. "You just don't understand their love!" Kim said after her initial shock that I hadn't, too, thought it was fantastic. Ok, I'll give her that. I don't understand their love. And that was the problem.

Anyway, it was a small price to pay to get to see 2012. We snuck into it right after New Moon. Kim had tried to pull the 'tired' card along with "we have so much to do for the wedding!" but after sitting through that movie, I wasn't letting her backdown. It rocked. 'Nuff said. Even Kim liked it, and she usually doesn't like big, loud, 'explody movies,' as she calls them.

Things are coming together. Or, at least, they seem to be for the moment. Finally got in touch with the florists. Just like I thought, except they didn't admit to ever messing it up in the first place. Either way, they have the order right now. "Lily of the valley, lilacs, anemones, tulips, stock, and pots of wheat grass and lettuce scattered on the buffet tables." I quote it because I don't really know what any of those are, but those are what Kim and her mother came up with. Just as long as the flowers are open and colorful, that's fine with me.


It's a decidedly small wedding: family plus our closest friends. But still, we may have bitten off more than we can chew. Kim and I didn't really...what's the word I'm looking for...communicate that well when it came to family arrangements. We've been living together for the last month (I know, I know....so close to marriage, why not wait? From seeing our friends, we figured that the whole adapting to living with someone can be stressful, so might as well get those kinks out before calling it official), but Kim has kept her old apartment. Until after the wedding.


I guess it's partly my fault for assuming but...she knows my parents wouldn't go for us living together as an unmarried couple. It's like the 11th commandment to them. I figured that we would both have our families stay in hotels, but I figured wrong. She invited her family--all 11 of them--to stay with us. It wouldn't be a problem if I didn't worry about weird things and Kim said her family is more laid back...but I'm willing to bet that this whole living situation will get back to my side. Someway. Somehow. My mom and dad are already not thrilled about me marrying 'the muslim,' as they call her, and will probably have their own opinions on her people not caring about our 'life of sin.'


MONDAY,  PLEASE COME!!!


On top of that, one of the 11 is Kim's younger cousin, Freddy. I think he steals. No, I know he steals. And the whole family is in denial, despite his three--count em, THREE--trips to juvy in his short 17 years. I don't like the kid. If that's wrong, shoot me. But...it's family. I guess.


Stress. Stress. Stress.


At least the flowers are in order.

Biker in the road.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Okay, this may be okay. Off-white--cream, some people call it--that could work. It's not white, so technically we aren't lying (does the Lord work on technicalities?). But it looks white, so people may not question the whole virginity thing. They'll just think we're stupid.

I can live with stupid.

Kim's happy, at least. She said the dress 'called to her' as soon as she walked into Eugene's Bridals, whatever that means. Never had anything 'call to me' that didn't have a pulse, but hey, I'm just a man. What do I know? It is beautiful, though. I feel kind of bad that all I can think of is how mom and dad will react. I feel kind of bad that when I think of Monday, November 30 I think relief that this will be over rather than excitement for the first full day of married life. I am excited--more than I've ever been. It's just...I worry weird.

I wish I could stop worrying about it.

Something interesting happened to me today. Flower shop's still been giving me the run around. Drove all the way out to Palo Alto (40 miles!) to speak to them in person while Kim was out having her heart to heart with the dress store. Like I said, I'm pretty sure they have it under wraps, but thought the errand would at least take my mind off the dress. Should have called first. They're closed on Sundays.

On the way back I decided to take the 'scenic route.' Don't ask me, but it's some kind of option on my GPS. Never really noticed it before, but it was only ten minutes longer and after the Closed sign at Sidestreet Florists, I thought 'why the hell not?'

For about 15 minutes it was nothing but this two-lane road bordered by an endless wall of trees, like in one of those car commercials. As long as the 'miles left' on my GPS kept going down, I was fine with it. More than fine, really. It was a nice change from 580.

I saw him right as I was finishing a bend. At first I only glanced, like you would when you see anyone walking or biking on the side of the road, but the thing is he wasn't doing either. I suppose if the bend had kept going I would have just kept on, but the road was straight. In the rearview it became clear that he was hurt.

I pulled over and sat there for a while. I'd like to say that my concerns were for another's well-being, but a lot of selfish thoughts went through my head. All I had left to do, how long this would hold me up, the fact that someone--someone less busy--would surely come along after a while. In the end, I got out.

His bike was all right but he wasn't. I could tell that even as he tried to put on his macho persona. His left leg looked badly hurt. A lot of blood at the ankle. He was holding it there, but it was...peculiar. Almost like he was protecting it from me rather than out of pain.  He didn't really look at me either, or give me much to work with. He kept saying that he was fine, yet he didn't have a phone. When I offered to call the ambulance you'd think I had suggested euthanasia. He didn't have insurance, he said. He didn't look homeless, or crazy or anything. Actually, you'd probably say he looked a lot like me, just your average city cog out for an evening cycle.

That's what made it so weird, though. He didn't seem like the type of guy who would be acting like this. Almost like he was running from something. Against my best judgment, I offered him a ride. It was more out of my want to breach that strange defense of his. He said he didn't want to leave his bike. I stayed for a little while longer, hoping another car would come, maybe a truck or something big enough to hold his bike. But no luck. And the man (he wouldn't give me his name) kept urging me to leave. Not in a rude way, but adamant nonetheless.

So, in the end, I left. What more can I do?

I didn't notice it at the time, but I thought about it the way back. He didn't look me in the eyes. Not once.

Told you it was weird. But I guess shit like that happens everyday. Anyway, Kim wants to go see 'New Moon' tonight. I want to see the meteor shower that's supposed to be happening all weekend, but I should have known that wouldn't hold up as a good enough excuse. I guess we'll do both, even though I think we're too old for vampires, werewolves, and teenage love.

I'm coming to find out that soon-to-be-brides always get what they want. Can't wait until she's pregnant.

-Tom Friedman

"Here comes the bride...all dressed in..."

Some people would say I worry about things in a weird way, others would say I worry about weird things. I still don't know which fits more, just that I worry a lot...like, a whole lot.

The big day is a week away and still so much to do! Here's a (small) sample:

• Sidestreet Florists' been giving me the run-around. I think they messed up the order of flowers and are bustling to get it fixed before we talk again. As long as they get it done, but I'll call again in the morning. 
• The DJ for the reception's been arrested. ARRESTED! John had said, Tom, as your best man, it's my job to throw you the best fucking bachelor's party and get you the best fucking DJ. I guess all the good DJ's ride around at 1 in the morning, stoned out of their minds, trying to pick up female cops as hookers? 
• It's an outside wedding and the forecast just came out today. Wanna guess what it says for Sunday, November 29? Yep. Rain, my friend. Lots and lots of rain. So I have to get another venue. I was trying to avoid the inside. Because inside means a church (atleast, for my family it does). And a church means complications, considering Pam's muslim and I--my family--is Christian.
• Half of our invitations came back. Apparently they just upped the postage price. So I have to get some 1 cent stamps...50 of 'em. But I might just chuck 'em and then email. Kim'll never know.
  

And I still need to get rings.

But none of these things really worry me. You want to know what does worry me? What Kim's going to wear. I know, I know...silly right? But my family is very traditional...very traditional. As in my mother never worked a day in her life and the only man she ever dated was my father--planned, coordinated, and ordained by the church. That kind of traditional.

But of course me and Kim--she'll kill me if she ever knows I posted this--of course we've had...well, you know. We don't think of it as a big deal. And as for her parents, they seem cool with it. Dad even jokes about it sometimes, which gets a little awkward. But my parents...they just wouldn't accept it. But the worst part is they haven't asked about it, hinted at it, nothing. And I was just sure mom would in one of her round-about, I'm-not-really-asking-this ways. Makes me think they expect something and are too shamed of the inevitable answer to ever ask the question.

White is for virgins. Simple, safe choice, right? But what if my parents know, in some bizarre way just know. The only thing worst for them than pre-marital sex would be lying during such a holy ceremony.

But if she doesn't wear white? Then we might as well paste a sign on her back that says "No flowers here!" (Honey, if you're reading this, Rob told me I could make this blog thing private, so blame him.)

We've been through four dresses. Two white, one blue, one red, all beautiful. All sent back because of me...and my worry. Kim's been patient, as always, but she said she's going once and for all tomorrow and making a decision.

White...or no? White is the least risky. They could really just be that naive and everything go without a hitch. I hope she picks white. Everything else, it'll fall into place, but I've got this tingly feeling, and it tells me this color thing'll be the shit hitting the fan.

It's so clear outside. I can see each and every star. It hasn't rained for a month. I guess its overdue and needed but...on our wedding? But, like I said, not really worried about it. All I can think about are white, blues, and reds...like a flag.

So these are the things I worry about. Welcome to my world. Only 7 more days.

-Tom Friedman